Sorry, work ended an hour ago, boss. You would know that if you'd come out with us. Don't tell me you're still there talking into your little recorder. Are we going to have to start turning the lights out in your office before we leave? Or maybe throw a blanket over your head like a canary.
If you’re playing Shag, Marry, Kill at the pub I think I’d rather be here. And yes I am working late, I have paperwork to finish. Somebody has been late three times this week and Elias noticed so now I have to write them up. It wasn’t Sasha.
That won’t change that I have a mountain of work and a deadline. I wasn’t going to write him up at all, I’m being forced to.
[ He sends a photo of the paperwork with “disciplinary action: exception made, his mother was unwell” on it as proof. He’s not a heartless monster, Tim. He’s being forced into useless bureaucracy. ]
I thought the point of being a boss was being able to move deadlines.
[ Tim had been certain that "not Sasha" had actually been him, but it appears that coming in through the back door with a folder under his arm had worked for him after all. ]
Tell you what, Jon. Leave it on your desk and I'll deliver it to Elias first thing in the morning myself. That's got to save you, what, ten minutes? Enough for one drink.
[ Which means taking everyone’s shit from every direction. And a little bit of deleting people’s clocking information and replacing it as if they arrived on time. ]
Maybe if it’s not too late by the time I’m finishing actually filling the forms in.
I’m not dress coding Sasha for not wearing tights in 30 degree weather until he installs air conditioning and I hardly think the little sheep on Martins shirt infringe on his ability to do his job. Shan’t even bother wasting my breath telling you what to wear either.
[ He has grievances and none of them are to do with what his assistants are or are not wearing on the job. ]
Oh screw Elias I’ll take the slap on the wrist at the managers meeting. I’m sick of being in the oven.
Shan’t. And if you do I'll tell them I only said it because you’re unconcerned with how close they get to falling out and have the dress code citation to prove it.
And then HR will know that you're obsessed with my chest and fire you for the perv you are. You know I only unbutton them for you, boss. [ The fact that he's having this conversation with Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, at all has him more than a little heady. The previous drinks aren't hurting, either, but this is one for the history books. ]
Well, did you ask the wormer if they minded being recorded?
Oh, you mean the office orgy we have every Wednesday in the records closet? I could've sworn Sasha sent out a memo.
Shame. It would've been a memorable entry into the Archives. Perhaps bad dancing is a fear manifesting on the streets of London. I'll have to keep an eye out for more incidents.
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branchandroot
This is insanity, but I amuse myself.
Date: 2025-07-01 11:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-01 11:42 pm (UTC)[ shag nobody goddamnit Tim ]
no subject
Date: 2025-07-01 11:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-07-01 11:52 pm (UTC)And yes I am working late, I have paperwork to finish.
Somebody has been late three times this week and Elias noticed so now I have to write them up. It wasn’t Sasha.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-01 11:56 pm (UTC)Go easy, boss. You know Martin has to take care of his mum in the mornings.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 12:00 am (UTC)I wasn’t going to write him up at all, I’m being forced to.
[ He sends a photo of the paperwork with “disciplinary action: exception made, his mother was unwell” on it as proof. He’s not a heartless monster, Tim. He’s being forced into useless bureaucracy. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 12:04 am (UTC)[ Tim had been certain that "not Sasha" had actually been him, but it appears that coming in through the back door with a folder under his arm had worked for him after all. ]
Tell you what, Jon. Leave it on your desk and I'll deliver it to Elias first thing in the morning myself. That's got to save you, what, ten minutes? Enough for one drink.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 12:12 am (UTC)[ Which means taking everyone’s shit from every direction. And a little bit of deleting people’s clocking information and replacing it as if they arrived on time. ]
Maybe if it’s not too late by the time I’m finishing actually filling the forms in.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 12:14 am (UTC)We've really got to get your computer set up, boss. I know you like it retro, but you can't live at the office.
Alright, we'll save you a seat.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 12:19 am (UTC)My computer broke again and the forms are all done on paper, which was not my decision.
[ Yeah, the computer broke itself. It’s definitely not got a cracked monitor from something getting thrown in the office. ]
I will try to make it.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 12:24 am (UTC)Again? Bad luck. [ Jon seems to have a lot of that.]
That's practically a promise coming from you, so I'll take it.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 12:30 am (UTC)[ He has grievances and none of them are to do with what his assistants are or are not wearing on the job. ]
Oh screw Elias I’ll take the slap on the wrist at the managers meeting. I’m sick of being in the oven.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 12:35 am (UTC)That's the spirit!
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 12:38 am (UTC)[ As if Jon didn’t lock his office door so he could work in a tank top for most of the day. ]
Just got to lock up.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 12:42 am (UTC)Be careful. Don't stop for any strangers.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 01:02 am (UTC)Wouldn’t dream of it.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 01:13 am (UTC)There've been some creepers milling about lately. I blame the heat.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 01:22 am (UTC)There was someone doing the worm down the middle of the road this morning.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 01:25 am (UTC)As in the dance move? And you failed to record it for the rest of humanity? What kind of Archivist are you?
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 01:32 am (UTC)I thought recording somebodies clear drug fuelled mental break down was gauche.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 01:36 am (UTC)Gauche? I mean, technically, that's what we do on the daily, isn't it?
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 01:38 am (UTC)And if you do I'll tell them I only said it because you’re unconcerned with how close they get to falling out and have the dress code citation to prove it.
They consent to being recorded, that’s different.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 01:49 am (UTC)Well, did you ask the wormer if they minded being recorded?
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 01:54 am (UTC)Do your shirt up.
[ You’re killing him Tim. Might have even made him laugh. Never owning up to it though. ]
I didn’t much fancy getting stabbed so I crossed the road and got away as fast as I could.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-02 02:10 am (UTC)Shame. It would've been a memorable entry into the Archives. Perhaps bad dancing is a fear manifesting on the streets of London. I'll have to keep an eye out for more incidents.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-04 09:12 pm (UTC)There have been dancing plagues, they’re well documented actually, Georgie did an episode of her podcast about the phenomenon.
no subject
Date: 2025-07-05 04:05 am (UTC)Well, if a worm plague is in the pipeline, we should probably know about it.
Oh? Who's Georgie?